He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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