Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
