remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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