It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
