he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
