fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
