Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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