Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
