why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
