He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
