Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
