Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
