HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
