OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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