first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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