can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
