i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
