I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
