You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
