The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
