Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
