i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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