you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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