we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I supernannyed him into submission
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
