I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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