There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
