yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
