small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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