I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
