dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
