If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
