ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
