oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
