How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm having to shit out rocks
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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