you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
