i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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