All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
