So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have already put on my inside pants.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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