Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
