when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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