So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
