I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
