she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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