Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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