Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
