Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
