Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
