Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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