Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
