I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
