I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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