I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
