if i can run in heels then i can drive
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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