She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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