I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
