Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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