party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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