we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
