I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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